Friday, June 26, 2009

Unnecessary drama, Part III

So if things weren't bad enough, The Dreadful Bear calls me.

"Wow", she says, "This is going to be pretty bad, huh?"

I was apprehensive, since I had just given her phone number to yet another collection agency today - she has a bad habit of using me as a credit reference without my permission. As if we were friends or something.

I give them her current phone number in exchange for leaving me alone. They're still calling, and she's not in jail yet. Damn.

"What do you mean?", I asked.

"The Michael Jackson thing - this is going to be bad, isn't it?"

"What do you mean?", I repeated. It pays to be cautious with the Bear.

"This is going to be all over the news for WEEKS!"

"well, yes, I'm afraid so..." I was looking for an angle to get off the phone at this point.

"There was this lawyer on Nancy Grace, and he was saying..."

"Stop right there. There is nothing on Nancy Grace that I need to hear about."

"I know you hate her..."

"I don't hate her. She's a liar. Everything on her show is a lie," I said.

The Bear tried to walk it back, since she clearly needed someone to talk to. "But it wasn't her, this lawyer was calling in, and..."

"Let me be clear here - anything that anybody says on Nancy Grace's show is either a lie, or will be proven wrong within 48 hours. Anything else?"

"Uh, no..."

"I have things to do - good night."


Tuesday, June 09, 2009

Things Are Looking Up!

Here's some good news:

The Onion: Dept. Of Evil: 'All Of You Must Die' :

WASHINGTON, DC—In the latest in a long series of ominous public pronouncements, the Department of Evil released a statement Monday demanding that all residents of the United States must die.

Dread Secretary of Evil Hammond S. Reynolds told reporters that they, too, must die.

"Yes, all must die," Dread Secretary of Evil Hammond S. Reynolds said during a press conference in Room 1228 of Washington's Robert C. Weaver Federal Building. "There shall soon come an accounting in which all will fall before the Grim Reaper as wheat in winter, as lambs under the knife. Soon all necks will feel the steely bite of our soul- thirsting axe, wielded by the unforgiving iron hand of the Department of Evil. Thus spake I, Dread Secretary Reynolds."

So we have that going for us.

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